Goodbye to 2021

2021 has seen so much misery on so many levels. Even putting aside the larger global issues – at a personal level I’ve watched family and friends deal with what seems like endless amounts of shit. Covid, cancer, mental health issues and the actions of some very bad people have culminated in an extremely hard year. As the year comes to an end a bit of me just wants to wave it away as quickly as possible and keep everything crossed that next year brings some respite, some joy and much more kindness but I’m also aware that in amongst all the rubbish there were some good bits too.

As I approached New Years Eve back in 2013 I was certain it would be my last. A few months into a terminal cancer diagnosis with my only hope being a blinded drug trial I wasn’t being dramatically pessimistic. Instead I’ve seen in the new year on multiple occasions and it’s impossible for me to not feel grateful for all that extra time. So for that reason this last year – despite all the hardships it’s inflicted on those I love – it’s also been another precious year.

I’ve witnessed the amazing resilience of my boys as despite all the hindrances that covid has created – they’ve just got on with it and made the most of it. As a family we’ve spent years living with uncertainty and so although covid has created a mass of it – we’ve mostly been ok, just kept plodding along and grabbing opportunities when we can.

We’ve celebrated birthdays – with Max becoming a teenager and Oscar turning 16 and Andy and I getting increasingly older and although there have been compromises, and an awful lot of time spent outside – we have still marked every occasion. My Christmas book clubs took place on chilly December nights around fire pits but they were perhaps more magical for it and our official family Christmas day is due to take place on 2nd Jan and most plans that have actually gone ahead have been very last minute. Despite all of that there have been so many achievements amongst my friends with new roles, new jobs, new houses, an excess of new dogs and whilst there’s been less of that for me I’ve baked, and kettlebell-ed and run 500 miles and spent day after day with those that I love.

So whilst I would dearly love to re-write 2021 I can’t and instead I am choosing to focus on the good bits. My ‘not until next year’ double scans (CT/MRI) snuck in early (yesterday) but the results will be next year and so I’m doing my best to keep the anxiety in check and tonight – all being well – I will see in the New Year with good friends and most importantly Andy and the boys – and shall be feeling grateful for another ‘miracle’ year whilst desperately hoping that next year is kinder and gentler than last.

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